What are your biggest challenges?
For January WordPress is sharing prompts with bloggers and I thought I would incorporate ones that resonated with me.
Slowing down is my biggest challenge.
It’s something that I’ve been working on for what seems like my whole adult life. I’ve gotten so much better at slowing down because I’m better at recognizing the need to. However, I know it’s something I will work on for the rest of my life.
The moments I have the hardest time slowing down are when I’m making transformational choices that I feel conflicted in like leaving a job or a relationship. I also notice it when I’m struggling with my anxiety. This doesn’t mean I can’t make big decisions, I’ve made a lot in my personal life and professional roles, it just means that I notice how anxiety pops up with what I see as monumental choices. This makes me be more invested and thoughtful, it’s also exhausting.
Recently, I’ve noticed that anxiety feels like a sense of urgency. I’ve written about this a few times here and on other platforms. It feels like running out of time or like I must fill my time.
While it’s hard, I try to challenge myself to take a pause and think about how I would coach a client through this. For me, sometimes detaching from the issue helps me process through it. Even if you don’t coach clients, you could think about how you hold space for others.
How would I process with a client?
If this was a client, we’d talk about what it feels like to not be able to slow down. Maybe identify body sensations. Maybe it’s racing thoughts or a feeling of wanting to run away from something. We’d talk about what their day is like and if there are specific times it feels harder to slow down.
I’d ask what would happen if they never slow down. I find that sometimes thinking and talking through the negative can help us get to a place to create positive action. We know that usually the answer to ‘never stopping’ is burn out and a cycle that never stops.
Lack of slowing down impacts so many things
I’ve seen how not slowing down contributes to my own burn out because of poor boundaries and poor sleep quality. Not saying no when I don’t want to do something as well as not saying yes when I’m really excited because it doesn’t feel like the right time have been part of poor boundaries in the past, but aren’t things I do anymore.
Slowing down causes me anxiety
Slowing down feels like I’m losing time or I’m missing something. Not necessarily missing out, but just forgetting something. I know this typically stems from thoughts and feelings of being behind in my career and schooling (with COVID it feels like yesterday that I made a career change). I often remind myself that there are so many people who have pivoted their careers and have gone back to school. Many of these folx are actually my classmates who I learn from and with. It also stems from wanting to do something I can’t, like spend time with my partner.
I’ve also noticed how physically slowing down sometimes contributes to racing thoughts and I start to feel an itchiness or jitteriness in my body. This is why I love going to see live music – it’s one of a few times that I feel like my mind and body are going at the same speed with the world. I feel this way with lifting and hiking too.
What helps me slow down?
The truth is, even though we have a finite time to live, there is still so much time to have a full life and put into the world what we want to. I also don’t know if I’ll ever be satisfied and that’s ok too.
Scheduling specific tasks including things I want to do into my day helps me slow down so I can see how much time there is available. It gives me the choice to fill it or leave it empty.
Asking myself out loud What do I need right now? when I notice I’m racing through the day also helps a lot because it’s like calling myself out.
Challenging and letting go of external expectations whether real or fantasy helps me create my own timeline. And that’s the one that matters.
There is no perfect timeline. Life will happen and how we imagine events isn’t always going to be our reality.
