I’m on the plane heading to see my partner. While she’s deployed, she gets two passes for visitors and an opportunity to come home for a week. This is the first past we’ve gotten approved while she’s gone this year.
But this post isn’t about my partner or her deployment. It’s about the plane rides today.
Sadly, there is no direct flight to where I’m going and to make sure I get the most of the trip, I took the 6am flight. So, I’ve been up since 1:30am – I apologize in advance for the tired thoughts that you all are about to receive.
I always book the aisle seat. Does anyone else do that? I will pay more just to get an aisle seat.
I’m a bit claustrophobic and while it’s improved a lot since I was younger, the aisle seat helps me feel less confined. Maybe it’s because I can stick a leg out if I need to. I know that may not make sense, but that’s where I am with air travel. Aisle seat or bust.
On the first flight, which was super full, the woman in the window seat of my row said she couldn’t believe how small the seats were. I don’t disagree, I wish the seats were a little bigger. Maybe more legroom so the person in front of me who feels the need to recline isn’t in my lap too.
At first glance, she is thin, a bit smaller than me. I don’t say this to talk shit about her body size, but to say that if someone who is thin feels this way, imagine what it’s like for someone with a larger body.
Last year, Forbes published an article called “Airline Seats Are Not Shrinking. Just The Opposite. But Legroom…”. In the article, they shared that seats haven’t actually reduced – they’re wider than they were almost two decades ago, but the legroom has. This makes me feel a bit validated about my reclining seat and lap comment a few lines before.
A few years ago…okay, at this point it was probably closer to 8 or 9, I was on a flight and I remember sitting in my seat on the plane and feeling relieved. I was relieved that the seated wasn’t hugging me tightly and that I wasn’t taking up too much space and bumping into my row partner. And honestly, every time I get on a plane, I feel this way. The body awareness I have, but also the false narrative I had about my body and its size for so long plays into those thoughts. I also get uncomfortable “invading” someone else’s space. My mind goes to I should take up as little space as possible.
There are times that my head goes to what it felt like to be over 240, and that was over a decade ago. Sometimes it’s traveling nerves that get me, sometimes it’s stress and I notice that I’m nitpicking. It’s not always easy to pull myself from those thoughts, especially when I’m tired. Those thoughts are a lot less than they ever have been, so it was interesting to have them this morning when she mentioned the seats. I became aware of the bag at my feet, the placement of my arms, how the seat belt fit and if my knees were hitting the back of the seat of the person in front of me. I haven’t analyzed myself like that in a while.
Thinking about that flight years ago, and even how I feel today, I recognize that there is still work I need to do that creates acceptance with my own body. If these are things that you are working through, I want you to know that it’s tough work to challenge the ideas we have about our bodies – ideas that aren’t always our own. It may be something that we work on for life because of how society talks about bodies. We also play a role in the expectations we put on each other because of gender norms, heteronormativity, western beauty ideals. As we unlearn and relearn how to appreciate, accept and love our bodies, we can more easily push for change from those around us.
