I’ve been sitting here for about 20 minutes and I’ve gotten distracted at least the same number of times.
I want to write, but I’m not really sure what to say.
There’s a lot of thoughts floating around – some not appropriate outside the walls of my skull and some that just seem odd out of context. Others that feel like complaining.
Something that has come up a few times this week. Probably more than a few – is productivity, busy-ness and coping methods.
This is not the semester I thought it would be, and I don’t mean that in a bad way at all. When I started volunteering in the fall, I thought I would dabble and get connected more to my greater community, focus on coaching and consulting and school. I knew this spring would be busy in the bigger picture with practicum, a full course load and work.
I didn’t realize, and I probably should’ve, that I would hard pivot more into nonprofit consulting, get involved politically and take on more social justice and diversity work in my community. These are things I’ve always been interested in, but hadn’t really taken the big leap into.
At the same time, I recognize that having a full schedule helps me forget about how much I miss my partner while she’s deployed.
We talk everyday, but eating dinner over FaceTime with a few hours time difference isn’t the same as bumping into each other in the kitchen or diving up the cooking responsibilities. It definitely isn’t the same watching TV together. Our screen time has increased so drastically that it can make other things that need screens tough – like sitting down and writing.
I can tell this is going to be a rambling post, but I don’t think I mind today.
I just want to say it’s ok for things to continuously not look the way you thought they would. Sometimes it’s better.
In this season, it’s ok that I’m letting myself find distractions. I miss my partner and I think about all the things we will do when she’s home all the time.
I’m a doer and I’m capable of taking on a lot projects and doing them well. I also recognize that this sometimes gives others the impression that I’m ok, especially when I’m not. I’ve gotten better at telling people when I need help or when I need clarification, but I can still get better at telling people that I’m not ok.
So right now, I’m feeling pretty good, but I can tell that I’m not ok. I will be. Maybe a little bit better after this weekend.
