I have so many things that I want to do to give back to the world around me. When I have an idea I flush it out and then run with it. There’s a part of me that’s fearful that if I don’t try then I will never know my own greatness.
I said this to a client the other night and it’s something I need to remind myself of now.
Her and I have been discussing new job opportunities and taking steps to apply. During this talk she said she wasn’t sure if she should apply to one we had most recently talked about – it really is the perfect fit for her – because she didn’t have a degree. I looked at her and said “they didn’t say you would need one”.
The trick with job postings is that they list everything they would want in a candidate if they could build one. It’s the perfect world scenario, but it’s not reality. No where in this posting did it say she needed that. It’s possible that they would have other candidates apply that have one, but she’s in the process of obtaining her degree and she has plenty of transferable skills.
I told her, you need to let them tell you no. By not trying you are telling yourself no for them.
She’s scared of something new and there is validity in that fear. New is scary because you can’t predict any outcomes.
I’ve been writing and editing and deleting the last section of my workbook. My intention was for it to be done in May or early June at the latest. I’ve been questioning the words and second guessing if they’re coming out right. Am I saying what I want to and how will it be understood are pretty typical questions I’ve been asking myself.
When I think about why I’m writing this to begin with and what’s preventing it’s completion – they are opposite and competing ideas.
I want to help others who may need guidance, but don’t want someone to hold their hand – I can understand that. I want people to feel capable and confident with most of their decisions, even though I know myself isn’t always feeling that way. More often than not is the goal, not perfection.
So what’s preventing me? It’s my own issue with imposture syndrome and the possible negativity.
I told JP the other day that one day, when I’m more removed it won’t be a big deal, but I still struggle with the idea that I don’t believe I’m all that special to really warrant that kind of attention.
I was listening to a podcast the other day and the host was talking about what feeds you, what motivates you. She said that she’s never liked the idea of being fueled on haters because of the power that she believe it gives them. It allows them credit for your work.
I think I teeter back and forth.
I am motivated by the greatness I continue to see in others. I am energized when they light up and it makes me want to continue to work with others and coach them on their paths. I am motivated by the accomplishments that I achieve that I didn’t think I could do because they are challenges I’ve never willingly put myself through – like going back to school.
I do believe that there have been aspects of my journey that I’ve done in spite of others that I’ve benefited from, but by thanking those who doubt my abilities, I am giving them power. I guess the way I think of it is how some of us have weakness around certain foods. What about that food makes us crave it, desire it, not have enough of it? Why do we allow food to control us? There’s something bigger going on. So why fuel off of negative energy?
I don’t want to put bad energy into my environment. There’s a lot of other shit happening, there’s no reason to not take each day in stride and look for the goodness. Each day can’t be great, but there can be good in each day.
I’d like to think that I have this outlook regardless of what’s going on around me or to me. This is the outlook I want to always have.
So, like I told my client – I’m not going to submit to a defeat that may not even exist. I’m going to give my all and put myself out into the world with the hope that those who are seeking a similar heart will feel grounded and connected and that those who are seeking to be spiteful will eventually get bored and keep walking.
I am giving myself permission to be frustrated that hate can make us fearful to be bold and do great things, but I am also telling myself that I have more greatness in me that out shines the power I had been giving the doubtful voices in my head, the voices I had previously heard.
<3 Cristina
