“Moving on is a chance that you take every time
You try to stay together
Say a word out of line and you find
That the friends you had are gone
Forever, forever
So many faces in and out of my life
Some will last, some will just be now and then
Life is a series of hellos and goodbyes
I’m afraid it’s time for goodbye again”
-Billy Joel
Things to leave in 2018… it’s very trendy. I’m torn with the idea.
I want to leave self-loathing and anxiety in 2018, but let’s be real – that’s probably not going to happen.
I want to leave acronyms like AF in 2018 because I love language and I love writing and every day I feel as though our communication is less andless important. Soon it’ll be all about photos and what can be inferred.
As someone who rereads material and has overcome comprehension issues as a kid – I fear for the next generations reading comprehensionability.
I want to leave my own fear of never doing enough in 2018. I think of it like the fear of missing out, but it’s the fear that I’m unable to stand still because it’ll be too still, and time will slip by.
I’ve been focusing on what I can do a lot the past few months and I do think that it’s helped me get through some awkward times of doubt – but there are also times that I’m like damn being this positive is exhaustingAF. See there I go with the acronyms.
So, I’d like to continue to work through my fear of not doing enough, not being enough because I don’t know if I will ever truly leave it behind. It’s possible that it can evolve into something else, but let’s notget ahead of ourselves.
I’m bringing my high waisted bikini and my plunge one-piece that JP stared and declared – I guess Inever thought that would be a style you’re interested in. I’m bringing these with me because I’m bringing the confidence I have gained over the yearswith me. The teaspoons add up to tablespoons and eventually I will have cups of confidence along with my coffee to get me through the day. It was that they weren’t my style – I’ve always love these, but I never thought I would look good in them.
But let’s change that phrase – it’s not I look good in them, but do they look good on me.
So, I’m also leaving behind or I’m going to try to leave behind how I arrange my sentences.
I’m bringing my notebook, but I’m also bringing my stenopad. I used them in college because that’s what you did as a journalism student. I used them at work because it was easy to flip through notes and that’s why I brought them back while I talk with clients.
For a while, I would type on my computer while chatting with them on video, but I felt that I wasn’t giving them the attention I wanted to so I pulled out my notebook and I jot notes down on paper and then go back and type them up later. I write in short hand anyway, so this wasn’t much of achange. But I may need to invest in a few more steno pads.
I’m may need some protein shakes – I had left them behind mostly this year, but I think they should make a slight come back. They’ve never been anything that I relied heavily on, but aside from my vegetable consumption –without tracking, I’m noticing that my protein consumption isn’t coming close to my protein needs.
I’m leaving behind bad music – I may be bringing back iTunes and CD’s though because the stuff I listened to a decade ago is better than this crap on the radio. It’s also possible I’ll get back into using my library card for books on CD for when I’m in the car because that provides more positivity and inspires the free flow of ideas than the radio…I also sometimes struggle to sit still to read a book…The Devil Wears Prada had different voicesfor different characters and that was a lot of fun.
Every year is a good year, even when it’s a bad year. There’s something to be taken, and something to be left. 2019 won’t feel any different,but I know it’s going to be different.
<3 Cristina
