For the past few days, I’ve been thinking about a conversation I had with client. For context, we’re working on developing her business foundation. This means we’re discussing her personal values and how those show up in her coaching practice. We’ve talked about her coaching mission and how that informs her services. We also have looked at scope of practice, how she wants to connect with her target audience, what networking could look like in her community.
Most importantly we’ve talked a lot about how she talks about her own experiences. This is what executive and lifestyle coaching is for her.
We’re looking at the intersection of being a business owner who provides a service and how her experiences influence her decisions, her skills and expertise, and also how she trusts herself. We also take time to acknowledge how trauma has shown up when she’s tried to move forward.
On Thursday, while we were talking, she mentioned how her boyfriend called her out for being scared of being successful. She said that his words hit her hard and she agreed.
So we unpacked this, and I told her: When you’ve been told you’re too much your whole life it feels odd making yourself a priority and centering yourself for the growth of your business. Especially if you’re working on how to market your services and be present online – it can feel like you’re showing off even if you’re not.
As her and I had this conversation, it home for me too.
This is something that I know many business owners and others can relate to. Maybe not word for word, but from experience with clients, many of us have been told we’re selfish if we put ourselves first. With social media expanding so much over the past decade, a lot of folx are told that they have “main character” energy if it seems like they’re showing off. I’ve heard women in particular should be more humble, not brag as much and should read the room better.
These are not things that would be said to men. And for those who say them, if they knew that what we thought or said to ourselves, they’d realize we’ve adopted worse ideas because of the experiences we’ve had.
I think a lot about how I show up online for myself and my business as well as how I want to be present on social media. The way I wanted to be present a decade ago is different than how I want to show up today. There are still moments I second guess myself – even writing this post and being honest about what it can be like as a coach and business owner.
I’m a good coach and that’s what I want to be. I also know from seven years of experience and seeing transitions in the virtual space, that being a good business owner is tough too and we have to be comfortable with change and trying new things. We often have to unpack the thoughts that hold us back from showing up where we want to as well. Cognitive distortions don’t just show up in our personal lives, and ignoring them can make these thoughts cyclical.
This is why I believe in trauma-informed practices in all coaching. Acknowledging how past experiences inform our present is really important so we can push ourselves and give ourselves the space to fail and succeed on our own terms.
For my client, she loves showing up online, but has found it overwhelming at times because she has so many ideas. Our work has broken down those ideas and focused on connecting her ideas to her values and mission as well as creating a timeline with actionable goals. It’s normal to feel a sense of urgency when we get ideas, and slowing down can be hard. We’ve also connected some of these feelings to experiences she’s had in the past and gently challenged them as she’s moving forward with her own practice.
For myself, I love being online. I want to focus on my blog, showing on Instagram and Threads. I’m letting myself write more and building it into my work hours. For so long, I treated this space as separate because it was a hobby, but it can be both. I’m also connecting and networking in person with other professionals, giving back to my community and finding ways to show up professionally in the public health space.
I fought myself for so long and having this conversation with a client helped me also accept why I was holding myself back, and think about where I really want to be too.
