Sometimes when I feel overwhelmed I start to think what would happen if I ran away. What would happen if we packed our bags and just got on a plane and left everything behind?
How happy could that be?
How relieving could that be?
How long could those feelings last?
I buckled down on studying for my certification in December, but really, I feel like January really made the difference. In a perfect world, I would’ve taken the exam at the end of January, but I kept going back and forth on it and felt I needed some extra time.
I had read through book once through and took notes and utilized all the study materials, but in my head I still felt unsure and unready, so I took a practice test and decided that I need to benchmark myself and then push forward.
I passed the first practice and that gave me boost.
So I scheduled my exam and it felt relieving.
I planned to take a second and a third exam each week after so I could give myself time to go over the questions I got wrong, reread topics I needed more clarity on and then analyze my thought process when going through the exam questions. This help me figure out a better strategy for studying, but also taking the test. I realized that I was rushing through longer word problems, which caused me to skip over information. I found myself needing to say ‘hey, slow down.’
I dabbled between feeling ready and feeling ready to just not be so damn anxious.
Two weeks ago, I decided that I was going to need a break after taking my exam. I had been feeling like I was running around, which did lead to productivity most days, but I still felt like I was running on fumes.
After taking with my friend Samantha, I decided to book a trip to see her for after my exam and before hers.
It was the great escape to Philadelphia to eat and do all the things.
We’ve known each other for over years, but have only met once in person. But we “snap” and text each other pretty much every day.
The fact the we connected online, but not for fitness actually has made our friendship stronger.
We talk about work and school and partners and cats and traveling and food and family. I don’t think I’ve ever felt like I couldn’t say something to her. If I’m having a good day or a bad day I know I can tell her without feeling like she’ll absorb my emotions and prevent herself from feeling her own, which prevents me from holding back.
The escape was nice.
The donuts were fresh.
The cheese pull was ridiculous.
The drinks were perfect.
The cats enjoyed being petted.
She studied and I got some work done.
It felt like we lived down the road from each other, not an hour plane ride…which shockingly is all that separates us – an hour direct flight.
But this morning when I woke up, I felt the pull – the pull I didn’t think I would necessarily feel.
I missed home.
I missed all my boys.
I missed the craziness that I enjoyed leaving behind because while I didn’t work as much I do at home, I did still get work done – it was just in a different home in a different state.
This wasn’t vacation, I think that would have been a true disconnection, but this was the chance to see into some other life windows, breathe some different air and indulge in someone else’s favorites.
Some times I feel I need an opportunity to run away from the world, but maybe I just need a weekend every now and then to relax and release.
Just a few hours to step away so I can clearly see everything that I have and love.
